California, how I love thee…

Now, the truth is, California is not the end-all-be-all of places to live. It’s expensive. It’s smoggy. It’s often seen as the red-headed stepchild of the US – for all it’s liberal politics and crazy Hollyweird starlets running over people’s feet in $300,000 Bentleys.

More than once, H and I have discussed leaving. We looked at moving to Illinois, where nice homes were half of what we were facing here in one of the more “affordable” parts of the State. We’ve looked at moving closer to my family, still within the State, but in a much more expensive part, so much more that it is completely out of our price range.

I grew up in California. I’ve not travelled to many other states, but I have always known that at heart, I was a California girl. While I know if we had to move, as long as I was with my family, it would be home wherever we were.

The hard truth is that living in California, at this time in our nation’s history, at this time in the State’s history, is the best thing for H, J, N, and I. I spent some time blog-surfing tonight, and I often happen upon blogs that I read only after linking from blog to blog. As often happens, I find something that touches me. I landed over here, and immediately felt sick. I actually have two friends here in California who’ve had similar things happen to them, and partly because their children were born prior to there being domestic partnership laws here.

And I wonder, what makes a person steal a child from someone who has loved and cared for her? How does a mother, look herself in the mirror every day knowing that you are every minute destroying the heart of someone you once claimed to love? How does a mother look her sweet, innocent child in the eyes when he asks where her other mommy is.

While H and I are legally married in our State, and are also registered domestic partners, I know with all my heart I would never keep N & J from her if we were to separate. I know, I know. Everyone’s answer to that is “sure, you say that now.” But I know. In my heart. Because while N & J were brought into our relationship, they are not at fault for the fate of it. And two hearts breaking would be bad enough, but I could never intentionally break my children’s hearts.

The worst of it is, lesbian women who do this to their partners do us all a disservice. When they stand in protest with their lesbian sisters of anti-marriage amendments but turn around and take gross advantage of the second-class citizen status, it chips away at the legitimacy of the fight for marriage. If we want marriage, we have to treat our relationships like marriages, with all their benefits and responsibilities.

Today, I’m so grateful to live here. While November may prove me wrong, today, with all it’s faults, I am proud to be here.


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