Changes could be a-comin’

So H is off to a job interview today. And whether it’s this job or another one (we’re really hoping it’s this one), changes are afoot in our household this year. In some form or another, our kids will be back in daycare by year’s end, and more likely by the summer.

I have mixed feelings about this. I mean, of course we need H back to work. She’s been unemployed for over a year now, and while we have made MASSIVE changes in our life to be able to still make it on one income plus unemployment, said unemployment is set to run out this summer.

Having H home has been SO good for the kids. And I admit, it’s spoiled me quite a bit too. She cooks, she cleans, she cares for the kids all day. Hey, it’s why I became a le.sbian in the first place! (Kidding, I kid, I really do.) Seriously though, having one parent home with them this past year and a half has been fantastic on their development and their relationships with H. It’s helped us both be more mindful of our parenting because it’s not someone else dealing with the kids all day – and we’ve learned much about them and ourselves. And while I listen to what is going on with my friends’ kids in school and the idea of homeschooling sounds better and better each day (although I would never do it, I AM however petrified of the influences they will be exposed to – shoot me for wanting to protect my kids), it’s just not feasible or really in our parenting style to do so.

So we started looking at daycares again. They’ve been in daycare once before. It was just before H got laid off and our nanny split. It was good, and then it wasn’t. Long story short, it was a good short term placement but long term we probably would have had to remove them anyway so it’s just as well we were forced to by finances. And so now here we are. Trying to evaluate potential care providers by their best-foot-forward websites and crai.gslist ads, and wondering what kind of anxiety this will produce.

I know this is the next step in our family’s journey. H will be back to work and the kids will be in preschool/daycare and then school. And I know it will be harder for me than on the kids and everyone will be just fine. But I’ve grown used to having my babies home, sleeping however long their bodies require, and getting the photos and updates during the day of what they’ve been doing and talking to them on the phone. Handing them off to someone else is a huge leap of faith – and one that doesn’t get easier as they get older.

I know we’ve actually be really lucky to have had the opportunity to have a parent home with them for all this time, and I actually believe we’ll always look back and be grateful for the opportunity H’s layoff provided our family – both financially to get our $hit together and of course to have that irreplaceable experience for the kids.

So I’m hoping this new phase in our life isn’t too scary, for us or for the kids, and that we land right where we are supposed to.

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