Mamazen said it very well when she said that this process is a mindf*ck.
I’ve been out of town, so that accounts for the lack of posting, as does my sheer terror and panic regarding this whole thing.
So, last you left me, I had a beta at Kai.ser that indicated rising HCG. Tuesday’s beta was 488, up from Monday’s 335 (taken at two different places). Thursday’s beta was a shocking 956. 20 away from true 48 hour doubling. I was in the car with my good friend Michelle on a road trip to Southern Cal to pick up my grandpa’s old car. She thought she had heard the numbers through my phone, but repeated them to me after I hung up, as a question. I looked at her and said, “What the f*ck???? I’m so confused.” I immediately messaged H and she called me right away. We both walked away from that conversation feeling very overwhelmed.
Last night, some spotting and a lot of cramping. I start feeling low again. Frustrated. Angry. Helpless. Beta at 7:30 am today. I wake up after a night of BAD cramping. Go for a blood draw where the tech tells me if I put enough pressure on the draw spot it shouldn’t bruise – has she met me??? Anyway, HOURS go by. It’s almost 3pm when I logon to their online system to see the results there and I still haven’t gotten a call.
Results? 2463. Doubling Again. WTF???
This afternoon, light spotting again. Enough right now that if I wasn’t looking for it I would miss it, but of course I’m looking. So the next step is an ultrasound. A week from tomorrow. Likely alone, because H can’t work her schedule that week at all due to training.
I don’t know what to think or expect. I’m happy that things look like they are headed in the right direction. Betas are a tad low based on what’s out there for averages and medians for the DPO that the betas were taken. But not totally out of range. But then there’s the cramping that has me in serious doubt. Then the spotting that is on again off again.
So. I might be quiet for the next week while I freak the eff out waiting for the next step. Thank you all for your support, both here and via email and texts. I’m blessed to have all of you.