D&C is scheduled for 1pm tomorrow. The intense cramping I’ve had since last night prompted the doctor to prescribe me darv.ocet. A fairly lightweight pain med, but I don’t take much stronger than ad.vil so darv.ocet is just fine. Plus I still need to function.

I will be under IV sedation. Thankfully, we worked things around and H will be able to be there. Thank you to the friends who offered to take me, and the one who was going to rework her shifts in order to go with me. Sometimes people really do surprise you.

It’s been a rough few days. I’ve sat down to blog a few times and really just gotten stuck. My brain is stuck because my heart is broken.

Last night, J laid in my arms and I rocked her and she actually dozed off. I can’t remember the last time I held her like that and she fell asleep. At some point, she woke up, but continued to pretend to be asleep, which was really cute because obviously she was enjoying the “us” time as much as I was. I remember being little and pretending to be asleep so I could actually feel my parents give me a kiss goodnight and re-tuck me in before they went to bed. They are some of my favorite memories. Like mother like daughter I suppose.

So the physical closure will come tomorrow. Emotionally though, this one will take a long time, and there’s a lot that was riding on this cycle.

But for now, I’m ready to reclaim my body and start down the path to whatever may come next.


9 thoughts on “Closure

  1. I so so so hate this. You know I will be thinking of you tomorrow. I am so glad that you and J had some time this evening. Sometimes it’s like they just know what we need isn’t it? Hang in there….one breath at a time. ❤ you

  2. I love the image of J falling asleep in your arms and pretending to stay that way in order to savor you. Beautiful. (((Hugs)))

    And I was serious about the cookies. Provided they would be something you would enjoy. Just need your mailing address.

  3. And then I realized that you have no idea what I’m talking about as far as cookies. So I’ll fill you in: chocolate chip. They’re damn good. They’ll make you feel damn good, if only momentarily. I’d love to send you some. There–that make any more sense?

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