Things that make me cry

Every day that I start to try and make it through the day without thinking about the past few weeks, something rudely jumps in and takes me by surprise. The pregnancy ticker on our ex-nanny’s fb page. The newborn baby crying at the neighbor’s house. Lactating. Laying with my babies in the early hours of the morning and having my daughter slip her tiny arm behind my neck and put her head on my shoulder. Realizing that dropping 2 pants sizes isn’t nearly as joyful as growing two sizes would have been. Bleeding. My daughter talking about an imaginary baby brother and sister.

I wonder when every little thing won’t make me wonder what if. I wonder when every day won’t come with a reminder.

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