Co-Worker, Friend

We were friends from the get-go. Once I ended up sitting next to you we became inseparable. Technically we didn’t work “together” but we always bounced ideas off of each other and helped each other and backed each other up – unofficially.

By the time we became really close, I’d been single for awhile, and we lamented the single life together often. We hung out, went to concerts, and mostly were sounding boards for each other. Every day, I looked forward to seeing what random topic we’d cover or what music we’d laugh about or what pop culture reference from our childhood we’d reminisce over.

You were there the day I freaked out completely about how I looked for my first date with H. You were at our wedding reception. You threw me a baby shower at work. You came by the house to visit with your daughter when I was huge and pregnant and unable to go to work anymore.

And then I came back. Four months after having the twins and everything was different. I was now in a position of authority over you, working for someone nobody (including you) seemed to like. Things were bad. Exceptionally bad. I threw myself into being her friend in part because you didn’t seem to want me to be yours anymore.

I hated every minute of that time. Hated coming to work. Hated that I felt like I’d lost one of my closest friends. I still remember that day in the parking garage when we went down to talk. I had high hopes. But I knew. It would be forever different.

I left that job after almost 7 years. Most of that time we were friends. When I left, I tried. I tried reaching out to you but you never answered my emails. I was heartbroken, because I really thought that I could fix it.

It’s because of now that I know you got married. That you seem really happy. Every once in awhile you comment on a post or a picture and I think sometimes it opens up all the old wounds again. Makes me miss you again. I wish I could go back and change everything that happened over those months at work – for a lot of reasons. I almost lost two really good people in my life because of those months, and I’ve been able to repair the relationship with the other one. That doesn’t make me miss you any less.

There’s a picture of us at the office and it was your birthday. You’re wearing a little “Happy Birthday” tiara. I come across it every now and then and wish like hell that we were still as close as we were in that picture. I know I’m guilty of investing more in a friendship than most people do. It’s why it hurts so much to lose one.

I guess what I really want to say is I’m so happy that you have found happiness, that your daughter has grown into a wonderful young woman, and that I am so proud to have been a part of your life when things were the hardest, because I feel like – if nothing else – I was there when you really needed me.


One thought on “Co-Worker, Friend

  1. Pingback: Assumptions « Where Love and Chaos Reign

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