My Glamorous Life

5:30ish:  Wake up for no apparent reason.  Was that one of the kids I hear in the bathroom?  Is someone crying?  Did the dog wake up and rattle his collar rolling over?  Maybe that was the cat.  Look at clock.  Realize my alarm is going off in 45 minutes.  Pull blanket over my head and try to fall back asleep.

6:00ish:  Wake up because I have to pee.  Holy crap is it always this cold?  Climb back in bed.

6:16 (because the extra minute makes me feel better, ok?):  Alarm goes off.  Snooze.  Ignore bladder screaming at me.

6:25:  Alarm goes off.  Turn it off for good.  Check facebook on my phone.   Delete most of the emails in my inbox because they are coupon ads for online stores I shopped at once but am too lazy to unsubscribe to.  Oh a Grou.pon deal for something that sounds cool that I’d probably let expire anyway.  Nevermind.

6:30:  Get in the shower, with the water up to scalding.  Lather, Rinse, and actually Repeat because it means an extra two minutes in the shower denying that I have to put on nice clothes and leave the house.  Try to shush the cat who thinks I’m drowning in the shower and must announce it to the dogs to get them to come rescue me.  Realize I’m going to be fighting a migraine today.  Awesome.

6:45:  Get dressed and “do” my hair and makeup, pretty much in the dark because H is still sleeping.  This is why my side of the sink is on the side where the closet is.  I turn on the closet light and crack the door.  Candles would give me as much light.  This means blow drying my hair and trying not to look like I spent 10 minutes getting ready in the dark and putting on some eyeliner and mascara so I don’t look like, well, so I look awake.  Fight the cat for counter space until I give up and put some food in her bowl despite there being food in her bowl.

7:00ish:  Decide to wear my boots because I have no black socks that match except the ones with holes in the toes so large it’s like I’m wearing the bottom part of 80’s stirrup pants.  Plus, wearing my boots means I can wear slipper socks to work and nobody will be the wiser.

7:05:  Quietly tiptoe out of our room and bring the cat with me so she won’t attack H’s feet when she rolls over.  Realize N is up and in the bathroom for his morning constitutional.  Walk over to say good morning.  “Hey buddy, you ok?”  “Yes.”  Realize he probably needs “help” (this poor kid inherited a stomach that will haunt him his whole life).  Spend no less than five minutes cleaning him up.  Wash up and hug him, telling him to be good at school and I’ll see him after work.  He happily goes off to play wii until the rest of the house gets up.  Except on the days when he cries and tells me he doesn’t want me to go to work and wants me to take him to school.  Spend 15 minutes calming him down and then head downstairs.

7:20ish:  Realize I’m going to be late, and start rushing around getting things together.  Write notes for the kids’ lunchboxes, carefully choosing my words and the stickers for their notes.  Unless I’ve spent 20 minutes snuggling with N because he doesn’t want me to leave.  Then I recycle old notes that are generic enough and still in decent enough shape.

7:25:  Grab a banana, some pretzels, a coke, and a frozen dinner for lunch.  Freak out because I can’t find the keys then realize they are in my purse.  Leave and back up the truck far enough to see J’s window and hope she’s awake to wave goodbye to me through her window.  Wait.  Realize she’s still asleep and while thankful for that fact, lament the fact that I won’t see her until I get home from work.

7:45:  Arrive at work 15 minutes late (and trust me, I’ve tried waking up a half hour earlier, for some reason there’s a space time continuum that still lands me at work at 7:45 no matter how early I get up).   Luckily I’m a manager and my time isn’t counted in minutes and I have the flexibility to get to work 15 minutes late and it’s still ok, partly because I never take a lunch, but I digress).

8:00ish:  Wade through emails only to be interrupted 87 times by various analysts, phone calls, and when nobody better is around for her to go with, my boss asking me to go to starbucks with her.

8:45:  Realize I have a meeting at 9am that is supposed to take an hour but probably will take an hour and a half during which I will learn that someone has planned something that affects my staff directly and immediately and hasn’t communicated it to me.  More than likely I will find out that it’s been “in the works” for three months.  Scribble furiously in order to approach my boss with some concerns I have with whatever this plan is.

10:30:  Talk to the kids on the phone.  Ask them how they are feeling and if they are excited about school.  Listen to them argue over who gets to talk to me then listen to N breathe on the phone at me because he clams up when you put the phone to his ear.  Wish them a good day and tell them I love them while listening to whoever isn’t holding the phone crying in the background because, well, because they aren’t holding the phone.

11:00:  Lunch.  Run all the errands I should really leave for after work but don’t because I’d rather spend that time with the kids.  Gas.  Post Office.  Pharmacy for migraine meds.  Unless I got to work late, then heat up my lunch and sit at my desk.  More often the latter.

Until 4:00pm (ish):  Manage fires and deal with general work crap.  Somewhere around 2:40, text H and ask how the kids’ day was.  Unless she’s at work.  Then I just hope that the sitter hasn’t made a complete mess of their homework.

4:15ish:  Arrive home.  N regards me with a general lack of enthusiasm, while J follows me like a puppy dog.  Change my clothes and check homework.

4:30-5:30:  On sitter days, spend this time having the kids make corrections to homework.  Try and figure out what I’m going to do for dinner.

6:00pm:   Dinner of frozen pizza, steamed broccoli, and yogurt.  And copious amounts of ranch.

7:00pm:  Bath time, the beginning of the bedtime routine.  Cajole them to brush their teeth.  10 minutes later, threaten if they don’t brush their teeth they will lose book time.

7:30pm:  Book time.

7:45pm:  Make everyone potty one last time.  Tuck everyone into bed with kisses and “I love you’s.”  Head downstairs and pull mountain of laundry to fold in front of the tv.

7:47pm:  N’s door opens.  He has to potty.

7:52pm:  J’s door opens and she sneaks into the playroom to get into mischief.  I shepherd her back into her room.

8:00pm:  I find something from the DVR to watch while I get back to the laundry.

8:10pm:  N opens his door.  Asks me what time “lights out”.  I remind him and he goes back to bed.

8:12pm:  J opens her door.  Asks me what time “lights out”.  I remind her and she goes back to bed.

8:30pm:  Lights out.  Laundry folded and I’m debating whether or not to put it away or just leave it in the basket.  Put away the dishes from the dishwasher and reload.  Check face.book.  Start the show over from the DVR since I missed the first half hour anyway.

8:45pm:  Put my feet up on the laundry basket filled with clothes I haven’t put away and grab the closest knitting/crochet project.

8:50pm:  Hear J’s door open.  Or close.  Either way she’s been out of her room getting into something.  I call up the stairs that it’s past lights out.

9:00pm:  Unpause the show from the DVR and pick the knitting back up.  Finally.  Quiet.
9:15pm:  The dog pukes.  Not the little dog either.

9:45pm:  After cleaning after the dog and forcing him to be outside for half hour, give up the fight and head upstairs.  Put away my laundry.  Go down the hall and tell J to take off her headphones and go to bed.

10:00pm:  Text H that I’m going to bed and to drive safe on her way home.

2:30am:  H comes home from work, the dogs bark and wake me up.

5:30am:  Start from the top.

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4 thoughts on “My Glamorous Life

  1. Sounds about right save for the kids for me…it’s the puppy that gets me every day. It’s a damn good thing she’s CUTE otherwise she might be dead. Just kidding…………………kinda. ;o)

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