Sometimes I feel like I have nothing to write about. And then a week crops up like this one and now I have too much to write about and I run into a dilemma. Do I write one post to cover everything? Do I try and split it into two or three shorter, more specific posts? Because I’m urgency addicted and waiting to put it out there when I’m feeling all of it all at once is hard for me.
My emotions have been thrown all over the place in the past week. First, I finally started CD 1, so I went in to the doctor expecting to see cysts still. Surprisingly, I got the all clear. And then spent the next 15 minutes in a conversation during which this particular doctor in the practice informed me he felt my chances were about 6-10%. Now, 6-10% on any given cycle isn’t really any better than well-timed “natural” conception, so given that I’m on fol.listim and a trigger shot with multiple ultrasounds, I feel confused by this statement. But it still completely rocked me. Basically he is refuting the literature that’s out there by saying that previous protocol was that they would stim ovaries and inseminate even when there were high numbers of leading follicles, whereas now protocol is to cancel if there are more than 5 or 6 leading follicles. And my takeaway from that was I’m either going to get a BFN or overstim and get cancelled. So I’m trying to process my feelings about all of that while actually moving forward with cycling in a way that still feels positive. I know this particular doctor tends to rub a lot of people the wrong way and has actually told friends of mine this same thing before they got pregnant, so maybe I’m making more of it than there is. But it was completely deflating.
One of the things going on at the same time is I’ve been battling some serious daily headache pain. Not always migraines, but often triggering migraines. And they’ve gotten to the point where it’s affecting everything – work, home, sleep, moods, everything. I finally made (and kept) an appointment with my primary care physician during which I completely broke down like a blubbering idiot. My primary care was amazing. Referred me to neurology immediately, referred me to acupuncture, gave me a shot of Toradol, is sending me to a TMJ class, and made me feel like I wasn’t being treated as if I just needed to lower my stress level. AND he understood that ttc affected the types of treatments I could take on and didn’t make me feel like he was frustrated by the limitations of this. I also made a massage appointment with a friend who does myofascial release. He was amazing. And I woke up feeling better than I have in weeks as far as my head.
The appointment with the neuro today was less than satisfactory. He did give me some over the counter ideas (which I had already planned on trying) such as increasing my vitamin b-2 intake. He referred me to a biofeedback class. But his biggest recommendation was putting me on a preventative tricyclic antidepressant. Which technically isn’t used as an antidepressant anymore and would be at like half the dose of when it’s used that way. However, it’s pregnancy class D. So it’s out of the question. His short term solution was to put me on a short course of steroids to “reset” my system and make it more receptive to the medication I am already taking and hopefully kick the last of this pain out. I spent a few hours waiting to hear back from the RE to make sure it wouldn’t mess with this cycle. Once that was cleared I went and picked it up. The thing is, the constant daily pain is so draining and it’s made me so depressed. My friend who is a massage therapist is doing me a huge favor and offering his services at about half his normal rate, which is what will allow me to see him at least 3 times a month. So far he has made the biggest difference. So we will focus there after the prednisone course.
N started little league practice this week, and J is gearing up for her first school dance (!). I feel like the dance is a whole post of its own. It’s a “Father-Daughter” dance and I have a lot of feelings about this. But, the reality is that her uncle/Godfather is over the moon about taking her and she is over the moon about going with him. The dance is Friday. We bought her a new dress that she didn’t need, but she was so excited to be able to pick it out. I’m going to buy Uncle J a boutonniere and take a ton of pictures. And probably cry that she’s old enough for this. There’s a lot I want to say about it, but I’m thinking I’ll be better equipped to do so after the fact moreso than I am now.
So yeah. Some overload going on at this end.